November 1st

Its the night of the 1st day of November

and I feel so dead

Not really in a sad way

but I feel dead, and cold.

But at the same time, I feel more alive than the last time I posted in here.

I am better now, I guess.

And I hope it would go on.

I can do it.

I can fucking do it.

Empty

I don't know why

but all of a sudden, I feel so empty.

I feel so lonely without really knowing the reason why

I want to cry but there are no tears to fall

I feel like my heart was crushed into pieces and pieces

Oh dear, of all the people, why that one?

It could have been a longtime acquaintance 

Or someone way better

But

Why? why oh why?

Why is that person capable of making me feel this way?

To make me feel happy

To make me feel like crap

To... make me feel this crappy feeling I wasn't keen on feeling at this very moment

And with that,

I fucking hate that person. I fucking hate the fact that he/she make me feel like absolute crap

Make me feel like I am the ugliest person ever

Make me feel so worthless.

I fucking hate that person so much, right now.

... Except that it was the complete fucking opposite at times. 

closer, closer...

Hi. Its been a while. 

I 've stumbled into this old post and I can't help but to ask myself

Do you think you already have one?

I still don't know what to answer to this one. 

I mean, yes, I've earned some buddies this year

But are they close enough to be my close buddy?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But all I know for now is I am closer to having my own buddy

And with that, I want to Thank God in advance.

Who knows? It would happen without me noticing. 

:)

Whoa

Time flies so ridiculously fast.

Seriously.

The first time I've ever written on here was two years back, when I'm still on my junior year of high school (on which later I will dubbed as the pathetic phase of my life)

And now I'm an incoming sophomore college student.

SOPHOMORE.

What the heck happened?

I did a back read of my old posts from last year (and that time I was sooooo excited over College, because I think its easy stuff... Well)

And I can't help but to laugh. And get embarrassed.

But still, its fun to see what are the things I think during the past year(s)

And oh well, its two weeks to my birthday, whoa.

And that's all for now my lovely blogger. Cheers! :)

Sigh

I kind of hope that I would have a guy friend like he did to her.

A guy friend whom you can talk about anything under the sun.

I just recently realized that I also want to have a friend like him.

Because I think he's cool and nice and could be very approachable and trustworthy.

But I guess it would take a while for me to have a friend like that.

Or better yet, I already have, I guess I haven't seen it that way, yet.

I hope its the latter.

Sigh.

changes

I saw a picture of my old classmate recently.

And reality hits me like a wave on the sea.

I came to realize that we are changing, indeed.

We're not those preteens who promised each other to never forget each other anymore.

And that realization sort of breaks my heart.