Promises, promises, and disappointments.

Ugh. How bad things are sometimes.

I feel so utterly gloomy right now, for not pleasing myself with my grades, or maybe for disappointing my mother yet again.

I feel sad because I always put myself down, and the fact that I always let the pressure and my emotions get the best in me, thus preventing me to be a better person.

I also feel disappointed to myself for not having this thing called self confidence. Maybe I have somewhere, but I am just so pessimistic or afraid to show the world what I got, because of my thinking that it might disappoint someone or they won't going to like it.

Or the fact that I always feel that there's no one behind my back to support me or love me.

And I am not holding on to promises lately. They suck ass sometimes.

They just sometimes gives you false hope, and thus disappointing you and hurting your feelings.


But still... I am thankful despite of all the shit and ups and downs. I know there was still my family to appreciate me, or my dearest friends (even though I think some of them don't consider me as one though) I love you all.







PS: to Dian, Ian, RM, Gel, Kit and Pat. Thanks for the advises earlier. You guise rock. :* :)

Miss Fighter

Do you feel like you want to end your life already? If so, THINK AGAIN.

So I stumbled over Brooke White's blog and saw this gem. Her life is so wonderful but cancer is along her way. Her story is wonderful and inspiring. She always wants to live as if she doesn't have that sickness. I admire her for not giving up despite of everything on her way, and she has a big heart too.

I hope God will help her over this. I know He will. She is a brave girl with the heart of gold. :)

self-worth, or the other way around

Sometimes I feel special. Sometimes not.

But most of the time I always came up with this question: "Do they cherish me like I cherish them?"

Not that I'm saying that I'm completely worthless to them or something, but sometimes I got to ask myself, "Do they really care about me? or love me at least?"

I know this was the result of me lacking self-confidence and such, or something like that.

But there are just times that I am thinking, do they really care about me? or they just consider me as a friend when they need me?

ugh. this is getting so pointless. I'll shut up now.

The Coffee Prince

Hi there Mister Coffee Prince.

You know what? I found you so cute. I don't even know why.

I know you are sort of an ass, but still...

Not that I ~like you on the romantic way, or at least a little crush will do.

But hey, I found you a little secretive inside, perhaps? I'm not sure though.

All I Know that your cute little smile can make someone smile too, or those round cute eyes? I couldn't even say anything more.

Your wittiness, maybe we are able to see them once, twice, just maybe.

And your speaking voice. eeeee. And you looked way younger than your actual age, they say.

And lots of girls like you. You're strangely attractive? I don't know.

I don't even know why I really adore you over the times, I even asked it myself and search for the possible answers, but still...

And also, mister, I want to know if you take relationships like, seriously. Maybe you can?

Or you could at least you know what a girl wants?

Or you could be as loyal as possible?

Or you are not a flirt like some other creatures?

Well maybe if the two of us could be like, friends, true friends, maybe I'll find the answers, but for the meantime I'm okay with these.

Oh. And if we'll be able to see each other Mister Coffee Prince, maybe we could laugh and talk together and inspire me with your pretty eyes and your killer smile.

That is all for now mister.

Lots of love, Me. :)

Inspirations

Do you ever feel inspired? yes I know we all experienced that.

But the fact that someone said that YOU inspired them? Is it different?

I may be giving advices, but until now, I still don't know if I could actually helped them or inspire them at the very least. I don't know if those words I'm saying to them could actually help them or something like that. I don't know if I'm making any sense over those things.

And the fact that someone inspired you? the feeling of it is good as it gets right?

The whole fact that you feel special and light if that certain person flashes a little smile.

The lonely and bad feeling you get when you missed them.

Or the fact that those people shows the best of you. Or the worst.

Or the simple fact that when the thought of that person you're smiling.

And lots of it. When that person makes us better persons, that's inspiration, for me. When that person can make you smile when you're sad, they give you the reasons to live life to the fullest.

That's why some sort of a crush form, I think. Because you are inspired by that person. And it feels like heaven.








(So if you are an ass. Poor you. Just saying.)